History
Valentine’s Day is named after St. Valentine, but the history began long before his existence. There were actually two Valentine’s executed on February 14th in different years by the same Roman Emperor, Claudius II in the 3rd century. The theory is that the Catholic Church may have established St. Valentine’s Day to honor both men, believed to be martyrs.
Theories on how Valentine’s Day originated:
1. Many historians believe that the origin of St. Valentine’s Day is from Lupercalia, an ancient Roman Pagan Ritual held on February 15th. Men stripped naked and “spanked” young women as a ritual to increase fertility.
2. Saint Valentine of Terni, a priest, had been officiating weddings secretly for Roman Soldiers which was strictly forbidden by the Roman Emperor. The Emperor did not want Soldiers to have any distractions. When the Emperor realized what Valentine was doing, he sent Valentine to prison, sentenced to death.
3. Another theory indicates Valentine was killed helping Christians escape prison in Rome. During his time in prison, it is believed that he wrote letters to a girl he fell in love with. One letter was signed “From Your Valentine” which is a standard phrase used to this day. He was executed on February 14th around 270 A.D. https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/valentines-day-ideas/a26863/valentines-day-facts/;
Valentine’s Day wasn’t associated with romantic love until the late 14th century when the poem “The Parliament of Fowls” was published by Geoffrey Chaucer. In the poem he refers to St. Valentine’s Day when birds choose their mates. From then on, the romantic version of the holiday evolved. https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/valentines-day-ideas/a26863/valentines-day-facts/
Fun Facts:
• More Americans skip this day. In 2019, 49% of adults said they’re not celebrating whether they think Valentine’s Day is “cheesy” or they might be single.
• Your Valentine does not have to be a significant other. In 2020, 27th of people purchased gifts for their pets!
• In 2020, 7% of gifts were bought for friends. This could be the result of the impact of “Galentine’s Day” from the TV Show Parks and Recreation.
• 16% of flowers bought by women are for themselves. It’s great to treat yourself to a special gift.
• Teachers Rule! They receive the most valentines in the form of notes/cards from their students.
• Finland and Estonia celebrate the day as a “Friendship Day”. Gifts are exchanged with significant others and friends and family members, too.
https://www.womansday.com/relationships/a4702/10-fun-valentines-day-facts-103385/
Valentine’s Day can be Difficult for Many People
We are bombarded with advertisements from retailers and restaurants trying to sell, sell, sell to increase profit margins. From TV ads to Social Media posts, it’s difficult to avoid being reminded of Valentine’s Day.
For many people, Valentine’s Day is downright depressing and a real struggle. For those that have been recently separated, divorced, experienced a break-up or has had to deal with the loss of a loved one, this day can be extremely difficult. If you are experiencing uncomfortable feelings this Valentine’s Day reach out to us at Heart and Mind Counseling, we specialize in helping you navigate your challenging feelings and emotions. We provide therapy in Michigan as well as twelve additional states (AL, CO, GA, FL, IA, KS, MA, NJ, OH, PA, TX, WI).
Instead of letting the day cause you stress, focus on the positive things you do have. Make a list of your support people, and make plans with someone or a group of people to get out. Go to the movies, attend an event, go to a favorite coffee shop or just go for a nice walk. Valentine’s Day doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go as a “couple.” If you have a favorite self-care item, schedule an appointment for that day. Get your nails done, go for a new haircut or go shopping for a new toy for your pet. Do something special for you! If you find doing this a struggle, speaking to a therapist at Heart and Mind Counseling can help you understand and unravel your mixed feelings in a safe supportive space.
If you know of anyone that will have a difficult time on Valentine’s Day, reach out and invite them to get out. It doesn’t matter what you plan, they will appreciate the invite. Or, if you can’t physically see them, send them a card, make a call or send a small gift to let them know they are important to you.
Couples could discuss what their expectations are for this day and stick to the agreed upon plan. For example, if a couple is financially struggling, they might mutually decide no gifts this year. They might agree to set a spending limit on a night out (dinner or a movie, etc.). Then, both parties must refrain from buying anything. If one person steps outside the agreed upon plan and purchases a gift (even with the best of intentions), the other person might be upset because they followed the established rules and didn’t purchase a gift. Keep in mind – every couple can celebrate Valentine’s Day any day of the year. Scheduling time to spend together, or having a Date Night is great!
Summary
Everyone should feel special on Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t matter if you are in a relationship or not. Think about people in your life that you are grateful for and do something for them. It doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming but let them know you appreciate them!
A great example – In a prior workplace, one young employee would purchase carnations and walk around to give one to each co-worker. He didn’t have to do that, he wanted to. You could see how happy he was giving out the flowers! As you can imagine, the recipients appreciated the thoughtfulness and the flowers.
References: https://www.womansday.com/relationships/a4702/10-fun-valentines-day-facts-103385/
https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/valentines-day-ideas/a26863/valentines-day-facts/;
More About Heart and Mind Counseling
Heart and Mind Counseling is a full-service Telehealth Psychotherapy service helping clients with a broad spectrum of needs in Michigan, Alabama, Colorado, Georgia, Florida, Iowa, Kansas, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas, and Wisconsin.
Dr. Corinne Smorra, LCSW is trained in EMDR and specializes in therapy for patients and families dealing with congenital heart issues, chronic disease, anxiety, depression, organ transplant, end of life, and grief. For more about Dr. Smorra and her research, please visit https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-corinne-smorra-dsw-msw.lcsw-439a9ba/ or www.heartandmindcounseling.com.
Katie Dines, LCSW is trained in EMDR and specializes in self-esteem, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, inner conflict, relationship issues (domestic abuse, negative relationship patterns).
Kennedy Boulis, LCSW is trained in DBT, does crisis counseling as well as specializing in children, adolescent, family, and adult clients.
