We all have tried it. Setting unrealistic goals for a New Year’s Resolution. We are excited to set goals like: I’m going to start exercising and lose 20 pounds or I’m going to stop smoking! We are all hopeful that somehow, we can reach the goal.
Most of us fail. One of my favorite mottos is “Never set anyone up to fail”. That also includes yourself. Yet, every New Year we all set goals that actually set us up for failure. We set unobtainable goals instead of using the baby steps approach to achieving a goal. Instead of “I’m going to stop smoking”, the goal could be I’m going to cut-back every week until I stop smoking on June 1. Or, instead of losing 20 pounds, it could be I will lose 4-5 pounds a month every month until I reach my goal. If you don’t lose 4-5 pounds one month, it’s okay. Keep moving forward until you can reach your goal. Even if you lost 2 pounds, that’s great! You did not fail because you didn’t lose 4-5 pounds. Don’t give up! Goals can be modified.
There is actually a Resolutions Quit Day. The second Friday in January. Only 2 weeks into the new year, people have already quit trying to achieve their resolution. Only 9% successfully keep their resolutions. By February, 43% give up.
Setting unobtainable goals sets us up to fail. With failure, negative thoughts run non-stop through our minds. “I’m never going to lose this weight, I’m a failure.” We need to learn how to stop these negative thoughts and replace them with positive attitudes like “I can lose the weight, I just have to break it down into achievable goals”, and “I can do it. I’m worth it. I’ll feel so much better.”
The Holidays can be a time for excessive stress, and anxiety for many people. Many people actually dread the Holidays because of a prior loss, loneliness, or being overwhelmed and anxiety driven. The New Year is a great time to look forward to starting new ways of being “Good to Yourself” and “Be Kind.”
I found it interesting to see that the top 10 New Year’s Resolutions list for 2023 has a mixture of things to achieve mentally, physically and financially.
Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions We Made for 2023:
• Save Money!
• Be Healthier In General
• Work Out More
• Eat Better
• Lose Some Weight
• Try to be Happier in General
• Pay Down Debt
• Improve your Mental Health
• Spend more time with the Family
• Learn Something new
Be Good to YOU!
I was nicely surprised to see that some of the resolutions focus on well-being, both physical and mentally.
This blog will focus on the goals that contribute to overall well-being, mentally and physically. Some goals are the typical resolutions – Save Money, Work Out, Eat Better, Pay down Debt. They are all great goals if you use the baby steps approach and set yourself up for Success instead of failure. For many people, working towards these types of goals help build thoughts of self-confidence and achievement, an additional reward!
Try to Be Happier in General
is a great way to start the New Year. Think about what makes you happy. Whether it be going for a peaceful walk in your favorite park, or planning a relaxing day with friends or at the Beach, make time to do it. Even better, add the time for you in your weekly schedule.
Improve Your Mental Health
If you feel like you need to talk to someone – reach out! Don’t wait. Taking the steps to find ways to help you cope with daily struggles and/or dealing with a prior or current life event is worth exploring. Research options that are available. You will be amazed at how much you will benefit from talking to someone whose focus is on you. Understand that we all need help sometimes. If you know someone that is struggling, encourage them to speak with a therapist. Offer to help them find resources to assist them.
Spend More Time with the Family
This doesn’t cost us anything but our time. Even if you don’t personally find value in family time, you never know the impact you might be having on another family member. Some of us are dealing with elderly parents. They are thrilled to see you even if it’s for an hour. Bring them dinner or their favorite treat. Really talk to them, do an activity, or even help them clean out a closet. In many families, a younger person is looking for a mentor to help them deal with school and/or friend situations. You might be the person that they will look up to for the rest of their lives. It doesn’t matter what you do with them, just be there and listen to them.
Learn Something New
Always look for opportunities to learn something. There are many social settings that include a bonus of making a new friend! Communities offer work-out programs, computer courses, and walking groups just to name a few possibilities. Get out of your comfort zone and try something new! If you find that you really do not like that activity, try something else until you find something you really enjoy doing.
Be Kind. Not Only to Others, But to Yourself.
So much of our energy is wasted criticizing, or judging not only other people, but ourselves too. Negative thought patterns. Instead of thinking, “I just can’t do that!”, you need to look at options to help you achieve a goal. Positive thoughts like “If it’s one day a week, I can make that work” or “I am going to try, what’s the worst thing that could happen?” If you are going through a difficult event, allow yourself time to be good to you. You deserve to have some “Me time”, too. I’m not saying go shopping and blow your budget. I’m saying, “just breathe.” There are many activities you can do that don’t cost a lot of money. If you enjoy going to the beach, schedule a beach day, or go to your favorite restaurant and have dinner with a friend. Just do something for you.
Be Kind to others can make you feel so much better, too. Nowadays, people can be rude, especially to retail or restaurant employees. Why? These employees are typically working short-staffed and trying to do multiple jobs at the same time. And, they provide a service for us for very little pay. Exhibit patience and understanding with service employees. I was recently at a drive-through window and had waited for over 20 minutes. When I got to the window, I said Hi, how is your day going? She was in tears. I felt so awful for her and asked her what was wrong. She said that the prior customer yelled at her because the gravy wasn’t in a separate container. I was floored. I talked to her and just let her know that she is appreciated by many people and don’t let one customer make her feel that way.
Be Kind. You never know what another person is experiencing or what kind of day they are having. Take a minute and say “Thank you!” You might be the only person that does that for the entire day or even the entire week (or month, sad to say).
Finally on Resolutions
Most of us make them, yet most of us quit. So, why set resolutions in the first place? If prior experience shows a pattern of quitting, we need to learn what’s going wrong to cause this level of failure.
The core issue is that making resolutions that are not reachable, is actually creating a negative mindset for ourselves. Actually, doing more harm than good. Re-think your resolution and make adjustments so that you don’t quit, but can achieve your goal.
Remember – Never set anyone up to Fail! Ever. And, Baby Steps. One step at a time is a common phrase that is appropriate here, too.
Happy New Year’s to everyone! I hope you take the steps to being a Healthier You, both Mentally and Physically, in this New Year.
More About Heart and Mind Counseling
Heart and Mind Counseling specializes in providing services to all patients and their families dealing with chronic diseases including congenital heart disease. Dr. Smorra is a licensed Clinical Social Worker in the states of Alabama, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Iowa, Kansas, Massachusetts, Michigan, New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas, and Wisconsin. She specializes in psychosocial issues for families and clients affected by Congenital Heart Disease and has written her doctoral dissertation on the subject.For more about Dr. Smorra and her research please visit https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-corinne-smorra-dsw-msw-lcsw-439a9ba/ or www.heartandmindcounseling.com.
